Look Up

I cant even comprehend what's going on right now. The musical is going horribly wrong..... and its next week! The lead almost got cut from the show and no one is taking it seriously. It almost makes me feel like i should just quit. But i wont, I wouldn't do that to people who really want to make it good (which im trying my hardest, but so far its not working). I just need to hope and pray that all goes well...

Next I have the opportunity to go New York this summer for a theater/leadership workshop for 10 days. It's really expensive but my aunt is going to pay for it herself because she's a "follow your dream" kind of person and I love that about her. Unfortunately, my dad so far isnt letting me go for (what seems like) no legitimate reason. And its my DREAM to be in New York and be on Broadway. I've always been told to follow your dream but there never seemed to be a way on going about that. So I came to terms with it and decided that i will be a teacher for the rest of my life. But now, the opportunity to take the first step, in which i never thought would come, presents itself, and its going to yanked out from under my feet so then i can fall on my face. It will hurt, but i'll have to get over it. God does it for a reason. That reason hasn't presented itself yet, but there is one. However, hope isnt totally lost, he hasn't 100% made up his mind yet.

What ever happens, happens, and I'll have to come to terms with that eventually. I just hope inside that some things in life will start looking up.....

The Return of Stress...... and New Problems

Once again im sorry for not writing, but im gonna be serious about blogging again. So, from the title, its safe to assume that things have been hard lately. My grades have been slipping, the road with God gets more difficult (which may be a good thing), and the school musical is going horribly. I also seem to find myself getting upset over the stupidest of things. Ive consistantly had a disliking for this one kid, i didnt know why, everyone liked him, he never showed he had problems, and his life seemed perfect. Then it hit me, "im jealous." I wanted to scream because the one i loathed is the person i want to be like. But then again, there are always things that people dont show. Maybe he is jealous of me, maybe his life really is perfect, but it's taken me a while to realize that God made me for a reason. I am supposed to be who He made me. God doesn't make mistakes. He made me special and in his image at the same time. I still feel like this will be a message that I will need to remember my whole life. I will try my hardest but I know for sure that i will fail again, because no ones perfect........ but we still should try.